The Final Exam
by Hermeniana
Summary: Hermes give an exam to Autholicus to see if he really is the The King of Thieves, but this could involve Ares, Xena and Gagy too
1. Default Chapter

Title: The Final Exam  
  
Author: Hermeniana  
  
Rate: PG  
  
Author's Note: the time line in the story is being modified a bit, well like 200 or 300 years in order to much with the story.  
  
1.1 Prologue  
  
Hermes, the Greek god of Commerce and thieves. He has blond short hair and goatee, with clear hypnotic blue-green eyes and the incredible resemblance to Ares but in a blond version. Wearing his usual a leather dark blue pant and two string in gold and black crossed in his bared chest. Hermes was sited in his throne in his temple, he had a leg in over an chair's arm the back in the other one and while he was talking to his priest and priestess when they gave him the bad news.  
  
"My lord, there was a shortage of the 10% in the offering and the statistics says that there will be another low of the 15% for the next month" inform the priestess  
  
"WHAT?! How is that possible?" yell Hermes  
  
"The… The commerce between the state cities down after the war against the Persian. Anthem and Sparta stop buying and start producing everything to provide themselves" explain the priest  
  
Hermes cool off and said "I see, I need to reactivate the commerce and the trades. How are the Phoenicians and the Cretonnes?" He inquired  
  
"Well, they are just waiting something from you my Lord."  
  
1.2 Chapter I  
  
Discord, the goddess of discord, (duh what did you expect? Flowers?) was lounging causally in a divan in Olympus; when a little silver box fell on her head.  
  
"AAUCH.. What a..?"  
  
The box fell to the flour and open itself; sudden a male dip voice came out of it.  
  
"Good Morning Discord, I think you know who am I" the voice said  
  
"What do you want Hermes?" she reply "Come on show yourself I'm not in the mood for this"  
  
"As I know you well now you are complaining, as usual, well this is a record message. You still own me a favor for that scroll that accidentally fall in hands… I guess you know it don't you? Well I still got and soon Ares could have it too…"  
  
"ALL RIGH ALL RIGHT!!! WHAT DO YOU WANT?!"  
  
"….mmm…. If you accept here is what I want.."  
  
Location: Beoccia Time: a quarter past noon  
  
Target: Autholicuss Alias: The King of Thieves  
  
Description: Tall about 6 foot, dark raven hair, brown eyes, were moustache and regularly dress in black leather pant and a green jacket.  
  
Your mission is capture him ALIVE….  
  
"If anything happens to you I will deny this and so my followers. This message will self destruct in 5 seconds"  
  
"1,2,3,4,5 " BOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!  
  
"Ok I have better to do" Discord sighted and then she vanish.  
  
2 In Beoccia  
  
The king of thieves was finishing the plot for his next robbery, the eyes of the Beoccia's Dragon, there were 2 rubies; the legend said that they belong to the dragon that used to live in the city until Cadmo kill him.  
  
It was a simple but efficient plan. He will knock out a guard, change places, then just the replace the rubies with other fakes ones. He know that the security level was pour and those guard love to drink too much; of course the locks were no challenge for him.  
  
Soon he was inside, the most important of all was to do it during lunch time so the guard will be hungry, thirsty and desperately to change guard.  
  
Autholicuss knocked out one soldier near the bathroom, then he took his cloths and put them on.  
  
Soldier  
  
HEY!! Where is Iaco?  
  
Autholicus  
  
Oh he just take a break he was not feeling too well. Hey But I'm here you replace you in the guard.  
  
Soldier  
  
OK!! Here it is!!  
  
Autholicus  
  
Ok see you buddy!  
  
Afterwards the soldier left, the king of thieves chuckles and then brush his moustache. 'Sucker' Autholicuss thought 'Well time for work'.  
  
After 3 minutes all the locks were laying on the floor and he was opening the door when something strikes him  
  
Autholicus  
  
This is too easy. I should demand them for to tempt me and of course make it too easy… ·Well I'm the KING OF THIEVES!! EVERYTHING IS EASY FOR ME!!! He said with a laugh  
  
Once the king of thieves was in front of the statues of the dragon's head; he notice 3 tramps on the floor.  
  
Autholicus  
  
Poor dreamer!! Hang on rubies I'll be there in a jump.  
  
Saying that he jump and land 1 meter of the head.  
  
Autholicuss:  
  
COME TO PAPA!! He exclaim while he approach to the rubies  
  
Suddenly a handcuff appear in his two hands.  
  
Discord  
  
Not too fast!! THIEF!! She yell  
  
Autholicus  
  
Ahhh… DISCORD!! How lovely surprised… Did I said that you are looking great?  
  
Discord  
  
Don't play smart with me mortal or I'll kill you! I'm still pissed off your last prank on me!! Now come on!!  
  
Autholicus  
  
Hey ok! No need to be rude.. Unless you want me to…(lifting an eyebrow)  
  
Discord  
  
SHUT UP!! She shout  
  
Then they both disappear in a flash of blue and with light and reappear in Hermes's Temple. 


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter II  
  
In Hermes's temple  
  
Discord and Autholicus appear in a bluer and white flash of light.  
  
Hermes  
  
Look what we have here? Autholicus the supposed King of Thieves.  
  
Discord  
  
I'll be in Olympus, remember I want to know everything once this is over.  
  
Hermes (waving his hand in up and down motion)  
  
Yeah yeah now go I'm busy  
  
Autholicus was totally lost what Hermes want with him? And why is he here? And WHY SUPPOSED KING OF THIEVES?!  
  
Hermes  
  
Autholicus, Autholicus… You have been telling everyone that you are 'The King of Thieves' and that you can even steal form a God isn't it?  
  
Autholicus (straightening his shirt and with a cocky grin)  
  
Well I stole two gods and I'm still alive to tell  
  
Hermes interrupt him  
  
OH yeah but what decent robber give back what he stole.  
  
Hermes knows exactly the type of Autholicus. How knows that his ego is bigger than the earth and will accept anything to prove everyone he is the best.  
  
Autholicus try to reply him but his mouth drop down and nothing came out; he couldn't thing any good answer.  
  
Autholicus  
  
… But I was forced by Hercules  
  
Hermes  
  
He was turn into a PIG! and you couldn't wite him before or after his transformation.  
  
Face it Autholicus there is no King of Thieves you are just another pickpocket who wants more he could handle.  
  
Saying that Autholicus was totally crush and devastated. Hermes was right and Autholicus need something to get his honor and pride as the King of Thieves.  
  
Autholicus  
  
All right how can I get back my title as King?  
  
Hermes look questioning at him  
  
Autholicus  
  
All right how can I earn it?  
  
Hermes  
  
Good you ask I have the perfect job for you  
  
'Stupid mortal thieves don't have honor just greed' he thought  
  
Are you ready for this?  
  
Autholicus  
  
I can steal anything go anybody… (after realizing that he was the God of Thieves too) Except for your highness the all mighty God of Thieves.  
  
Autholicus start smiling trying to smooth the situation.  
  
Hermes (in a bitter expression)  
  
I know… Well you will steal "The water of Poseidon"  
  
Autholicus  
  
You want the Ocean? How I'm supposed to take it? Drinking it?  
  
Hermes got serious and said  
  
"NO! you fool mortal, I refer to THE water of Poseidon, the special weapon of Ares"  
  
Autholicus  
  
Wait a minute! Ares already got me on his dead list if he caught me I'm food for the worm with lucky!!  
  
Hermes  
  
EXACTLY! I F !! he caught you. Just do a good job and nothing bad will happened to you. Besides nobody will be harmed if the God of War loose a weapon.  
  
Autholicus thing for a moment brushing his beard.  
  
"… mmm… I think you are right"  
  
Hermes  
  
See a simple task. Get in, took the water no in yourself pleas and get out.  
  
Autholicus  
  
Yeah… But what do I ear for all that? How much are you going to pay me?  
  
Hermes  
  
'Business time' Hermes thought  
  
Well you will have the title of King what else do you want?  
  
Autholicus  
  
Actually is not money , not exactly, you know mortals need more than just a title and pride.  
  
Hermes  
  
'I love greedy mortals they are so gullible'  
  
OK What is it I'm loosing my patience  
  
Autholicus  
  
Hey patience is a virtue; anyway I wan the exact location of The King Salomon's Mine.  
  
The god stand up and star walking around the thief. What he wants was simple and very important; we are talking about the biggest treasure of the ancient world and the most protected one. No one except the king and his family know the location.  
  
Autholicus was thinking after his coronation as King, give his biggest strike that will put him in the annals of history as the BEST.  
  
Hermes  
  
Agreed, I'll give you the location but only after you give me The Waters.  
  
Autholicus  
  
Ok chief consider it done! see you around  
  
Then he turn to leave  
  
Hermes hissed and said  
  
"NO NO NO is not that simple. I have some terms."  
  
Autholicus  
  
I'm listening  
  
Hermes  
  
1º You'll do it secretly no one can help you, I know you work alone but not always.  
  
2º It must be done during the day of Ares; I want this robbery happen under his nose.  
  
3º No godly help from any god, demigod or any type of immortal  
  
Did I make myself clear?  
  
Autholicus  
  
Totally  
  
Hermes  
  
So?  
  
Autholicus  
  
You got a deal God!  
  
Hermes  
  
Good now go! I'll be watching you  
  
After that Autholicus leave the temple in direction to Sparta. 


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter III  
  
In Sparta everyone was getting ready for the celebration of the sign of peace treat and of course the annual festival of their patron god Ares, the God of War. A lot of people was invited to this special occasion besides the ambassadors of Athens there were also in the list Xena, the Warrior Princess, and her friend, bard and Amazon Queen, Gabrielle. Of course Ares was more than delightful that his favorite was coming to his celebration even if he wasn't the reason for her visit.  
  
The deal between Autholicus and Hermes was that he have to do all the work during this celebration. Autholicus was in town when Xena, Gabrielle and the ambassadors arrived. The robbery will be do it during the first and second part of the main offering to Ares.  
  
All the people and specially the Warrior Princess, were going to be totally out of the way. The ceremony would be do it in the main hall. The treasure room is in the west wing of the temple, the problem is to pass al the security guards in the entrance and ALL the pitfall.  
  
The next day, the robbery  
  
The problem of the guard was the least of his problem due to the celebration. But get into the temple was other problem. The entrance to get to the treasure room was almost free of guards, they were all in the main entrance of the temple, Autholicus try to find a second door or a back door to get inside. Unfortunately Ares's architectures didn't think the king of thieves might need it!  
  
Having no other choice he disguised himself as a soldier. When the rituals start and everybody was entering the temple, Autholicus leave the line and hide behind a column; after all of them was in the main hall including Xena, Gabrielle, the ambassador and the all mighty God of War!  
  
Autholicus  
  
Great now I only have to get there, steal it and then come back to the ceremony before is over.  
  
Autholicus start running throw a long corridor until he saw the snail stairs. The next part of his journey is not going to be as easy as this, the traps were not only in the flour also in the walls and the roof.  
  
As the king of thieves he is he know it all this before he get into the temple. Of course get the precise map of the place is impossible but now make a drunken guard speak all he knows about it. This poor men didn't know everything exactly even so the experience of Autholicus help him fill the gaps of information and complete his mental map.  
  
The first part was a snail stairs with a sequence of steps and counting them in a series of 3; the king of king of thieves must count 3 steps jump left them right and jump 2 steps forward. The guard has told him that if he missed the jump or make a mistake in the sequence… well let's just said that Autholicus will end as a strainer. Probably any can think what a stupid and easy trap? Well the difficult of this was that the steps were not all the same size and high. But the most difficult problem besides the shortage of light was that the stair was inclined in 45º!  
  
Autholicus was finding amusing all this and he managed to take with him a bag on his shoulder in order to keep the weight in balance and not fell forward.  
  
  
  
Autholicus sighted  
  
1,2,3 left right, jump two!… Oof just a bit more and I'll finish it.  
  
After a while, the king of thieves landed on his feets on the ground and recover his breath; he realized that there was three doors in front of him. The three were locked but that was not a problem; the guard has told him that one door was the correct one and in the other were 2 of the worst creatures Ares has as pets. Autholicus was prepared too. He got three pieces of meat. He took them out of his bag and put each of them in the front of each door. Afterward two doors start shaking; obviously the "pets" were there and the only one moving or creating scary sounds was the correct one.  
  
'Great one step closer to the treasure room' Thought Autholicus  
  
He opened the door and all he could see was a long and dark corridor, he grab a torch and continue his journey. But the danger was not over yet.  
  
As soon as Autholicus arrive to the end of the corridor he saw a big square room with only two columns in the middle. There was nothing on the walls or the floor. Even thought there was some light from the torch in the columns his sight couldn't reach the roof.  
  
"Ok, War God what did you put here?" retorted the King of Thieves.  
  
The guard wasn't as specific as a map and he missed this spot in his explanation. What could it be here? An invisible pet perhaps? Mm… it didn't feel like. Besides Why another? There must be a clear way so Ares's priests could get it with not too much troubles or only the God of War can get in here?  
  
All this question run in his mind, he got to think fast, time was a precious thing in this job.  
  
"If I fail… Yeah like I could, but If I did I could died or even worst lost my reputation! And have to wait other year for this celebration" Autholicus thought. He hasn't even move from his place fearing that the flour may have something or be connected to a trap.  
  
Autholicus put one arm in front of his chest and other on his jaw.  
  
"What to do?! What to do?!" He meditate "There must be a way to know what is this trap"  
  
After some minutes of contemplate what he can do, he remember the rocks that were in his bag. He brought those rock so that it will give him balance when he gets throw the stairs. Fulfilled it's mission he took out the rocks and throw them.  
  
The first just a few feets close to him; the second landed twice the distance and finally the third landed in the middle of the room. When the last rock touched the floor suddenly form the roof, giant and sharp ax fell. In a blink of an eye the entire room was covered with axes. But that was no all, in the few spots that were free there were swinging scythe bigger than the ones in the floor! Although this inconveniences the King of Thieves was not going to quit now, his honor and title as The Thief has been gambled and he has to win.  
  
Counting the time each ax take to go from one side to another, and taking extra care where he put his foots, the King of Thieves arrived to the middle of the room. To his amazement one ax landed over the rock he threw and cut it in the middle!  
  
"WOW! That could be my head!!" he shouted and immediately shut up himself with his hands. Then he breathed and continued.  
  
Afterwards Autholicus reach the end of the room but not his goal yet so far now he has eluded three traps; according with the guard there must be one more an then the treasure room. The drunken man hardly remembered this part, he instructed Autholicus about the first three but he only mention the forth was the worst of all. If by chance someone survive the previous ones, after this with luck someone will find his bones.  
  
The King of Thieves only know that it was extremely dangerous and deadly but not enough information to take the précis precautions. Here he only could prey and sharp his senses.  
  
The light was very poor; he only have one torch and there were no more. He walks very slowly looking to every direction and sense. The corridor was not too narrow but not as big as the last one. Autholicus notice a glow in the walls and something sticky under his foots. When he look down and rise one foot the smell hit him. The sticky ting was the Greek Fire or as we now know it as Petroleum.  
  
But not only was the floor was covered, also the walls and the roof. Apparently this Greek Fire was under some magic because it didn't move or slide form the walls and roof.  
  
The King of Thieves the danger of this trap; IF he fell and the torch touch any part of the corridor, as the guard said with luck someone may found his burned bones. The only way to get throw there would be very slowly and with all the precaution and care for not to touch or even brush anything with the torch.  
  
Slowly the King of Thieves slide his foots in semi circles so that he can always has a firm and stable standing position.  
  
Once he reach the end he saw a very strong bright light coming from the corner of the corridor. He try to clean his boots in the clean floor and continue walking to the light.  
  
According to the guard there were no more traps; he said that the last trap he knew was the last Autholicus just crossed. Even though he didn't have any kind of information of what is going to come, something inside tell him 'Be Careful'.  
  
Nevertheless he didn't touch anything with petrol he know that some dots were on his cloth and all over his boots. As soon as Autholicus turn the corner a huge wall of fire stand up in front of him. While he was walking one of this step was a little loose, he didn't notice that but that it was a switch.  
  
Instinctively the King of Thieves lay back and fell on the floor after a wall of fire appear in front of him!  
  
"Now how I'm going to pass the without water?… What better trap to keep 'The Water' safe than fire, very clever" he mused.  
  
Afterward he stand up and start analyzing this situation  
  
"How tall is it?  
  
The fire wall is as tall as the walls  
  
Is there any space I could get throw?  
  
There is no space between the fire wall and the walls.  
  
How hot?…  
  
Hot?!.. I should be melting with all this fire but it is cool" he pondered  
  
Autholicus rise hand and traverse the fire. As he imagine nothing happened it was just a trick. Then he walk throw the fire and he was in a complete different room. It was small, in the front was the door to the treasure room and in the left was a small flame and lots of mirrors that create the illusion of the fire wall.  
  
The King of Thieves reach to the door and take a good look to the locks and the chains. Luckily they were simple an made by mortals, if those were Hephesto's chain then he would be in some serious problems. The locks were a double lock with one and a half turn key; a weird lock but not a challenge. Autholicus take out his tools from his jacket. After a minute or two the locks fell to the floor with the chains, the door was open now. The treasure room was huge and very illuminated.  
  
"OH MY GOD!!! WHAT A BOOTY!!… Wait, for what I want this I going to get more; first my pride then the gold" he said.  
  
He walk straight to the center of the room where in a small column of 3 foot tall was the jar with The Water. He noticed that 'The Water' seems a bit heavier than the regular but that was not all. He also look at the connections with a big hammer in the top; which could only means: If he take out the water the lack of weight will drop the hammer.  
  
As the old proverb says 'A cautious man lives longer'; well the thief knows that and carried with him in his bag a bottle with water so that it would confuse the priests and they will think that the water is still there and safe. He took out the bottle with water, two straws and an empty bottle.  
  
First he put both straws in the jar, then the end of one straw goes to an empty bottle and the other one to the bottle full of it. After that he suck the straw that end in the empty bottle and 'The Water' start getting out of the jar to the bottle. Secondly he suck the other straw and the common water start getting in the jar. In that way the weight of the jar would stay even and the mechanism of the trap wouldn't be activated.  
  
After some minutes the jar was full with just water and 'The Water' was in the bottle. Until here first and second part of the job was ready now the final and most important part, get out of there without being caught!  
  
Autholicus put everything inside his bag and start walking back to the ceremony. Of course go back through all the traps weren't a problem, but climb all the stairs was really something. He have to do everything backwards and jump all the steps plus invert the sequence. By the time Autholicus reach the end of the stairs he listened to the horn announcing the arrival of The God of War. He only have more or less 5 minutes to get to the ceremony and don't get suspicious. Autholicus picked up his helmet where he had left it, put the bag under the armor; it didn't look too good but was the perfect cover.  
  
The small squad where Autholicus slip away was the one in charge of take out the offerings to the outdoor shrine to burn them.  
  
Ares nodded to his priest and the end of the ceremony begun. The squad march straight to the offerings and take them outside. Luckily Xena and Gabrielle were far forma Ares and the offerings so they didn't notice Autholicus intervention.  
  
Ares pointing to the squad  
  
"I accept your offerings and give you my blessings"  
  
With the God's approval the soldiers took everything outside the temple. Once the king of Thieves reach some bushes he disappear leaving the offerings and the armor. 


End file.
